High Performing Women, Chronic Illness & Perfectionism: A DC Therapist Explains How CBT Can Help.
“Perfectionism is not the same thing has striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgement, and shame. It’s a shield. It’s a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from flight.”
-Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
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My Love For Offering Therapy for Women
I love my job. Truly-I is doing what I love to do every day because I specialize in working with incredible, high-achieving women. Let’s be honest-living in places like DC and New York are not easy. The women I get to work with are executives, nurses, writers, creatives, scientists, artists, doctors, lawyers, and teachers (insert any kick-ass profession here!) and at the top of their game.
Wearing Many Hats
They are also wearing way more than just one hat. Their professional identity is a huge part of who they are, but it is just that one part. At the same time, they are juggling being a solid friend, having a healthy dating life, being a partner, dealing with chronic illness or chronic pain, being a mom, trying to get pregnant, navigating grief, dealing with perinatal anxiety or postpartum issues…the list goes on and on.
The Misbelief that you are not enough
A common theme I see when working with high-achieving, super-intelligent women is this inner dialogue that they are not enough. Any sense of falling short at work, at home, or not “doing enough” in their relationships or for their kids feels like a complete failure. To the outside world, things look shiny and perfect but inside they feel like an imposter.
A profound grieving process can happen when a high-achieving woman gets diagnosed with chronic illness or chronic pain.
All of a sudden, your body can’t keep up with your mind. You have so many items on your to-do list, goals, plans-and your body feels as if it is betraying you. CBT can help navigate the self-talk surrounding this grief and give you more tools to cope with such change and loss.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Can Help Decrease Anxiety About Perfectionism
Cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, can be so beneficial in helping us change our inner dialogue. When that inner critic starts to tell you that the slide deck wasn’t perfect, or your kids ate chicken tenders too many times this week so you failed as a mom, or the constructive feedback from your boss means you are the worst employee ever, we can pause. We can recognize the unhelpful thought patterns that are coming up. We can recognize that we are having very all-or-nothing thinking patterns.
Mindfulness is part of cognitive behavior therapy
Now, you’ve begun to recognize the thought patterns that come up. Rigid thinking or thinking in extremes is a hallmark of perfectionistic thinking. Guess what? You are incorporating mindfulness into your day! You are noticing thoughts, observing them, and recognizing they are unhelpful. This act of mindfulness is key to being able to create helpful thought reframes.
Creating Cognitive Reframes Through Therapy for Women
Brene Brown has an amazing book on perfectionism entitled The Gifts of Imperfection. In that, Brown writes, “Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there's no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal.” Creating a cognitive reframe helps us recognize that our all-or-nothing thinking is setting us up to fail. If it is unattainable or impossible to be perfect all the time in every aspect of our lives, then we need a more helpful thought pattern. It may take time for these reframes to come more easily and CBT requires active practice. With a trained therapist, you can find realistic ways to incorporate cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness into your everyday life.
Work with a CBT-trained therapist to navigate perfectionism and anxiety with chronic illness and chronic pain
Working with a highly trained CBT therapist can help you learn how to create more helpful thought patterns and engage in mindfulness to help decrease feelings of anxiety about perfectionism. If you are ready to get started, reach out for your free consultation today.
Are You in Need of Therapy for Chronic Illness in Washington, DC?
Dealing with chronic illness and chronic pain can deplete you and make it impossible to function normally in your life. At my DC-based Therapy office, as a trained therapist I understand the isolation and fear you are feeling and am ready to help you. Follow the steps below to get started on your journey to mental health healing and well-being.
Get to know me here.
Fill out my convenient online mental health services contact form.
Begin your journey to healing.
Other Mental Health Services Offered by Kelsey Bates
You deserve access to an expert that understands women's health and how it can be so deeply connected to our mental health. An expert that can offer you evidence-based treatment and a personalized approach to help you through your unique struggles. I offer a variety of mental health services to help individualize a plan that best meets your needs. These services include therapy for anxiety and depression in both Individual and Women’s Support Groups. I also specialize in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, CPT for Medical Trauma, Perinatal Therapy, PTSD Treatment, and Therapy for Chronic Illness. For more helpful information check out my blogs and videos! All services are offered online in Maryland, Washington DC, Virginia, and New York.