Reasonable Accommodations for Enjoying the Holiday Season: CBT, DBT and ACT Tools for Women with Chronic Illness
The holidays can be hard for women living with chronic illness. There are so many traditions you want to be a part of, loved ones you want to visit, gifts to buy, holiday dishes to prepare-it can feel overwhelming when you have extra day to day barriers like fatigue, brain fog and chronic pain. This holiday season, add CBT, DBT and ACT tools to your toolbox and explore reasonable accommodations to help you thrive and enjoy the holidays.
What are reasonable accommodations?
Defined by Harvard University Disability Resources, reasonable accommodations are “is any change or adjustment to a job or work environment that permits a person with a disability to participate in the job application process, to perform the essential functions of a job, or to enjoy benefits and privileges of employment equal to those enjoyed by staff without disabilities”. While we often discuss accommodations in the workplace as an important right, accommodations can help women with chronic illness in every aspect of life. This can be a helpful way of creating flexibility and support, especially during the holiday season!
What are some ideas for reasonable accommodations for women with chronic illness during the holidays?
Reasonable accommodations can support not only physical access but also social and emotional needs—providing adjustments for emotional comfort, pacing, dietary requirements, sensory sensitivities, and options for hybrid attendance—so that people feel seen, safe, and able to participate fully. Ideas for accommodations might include flexible scheduling or breaks, quiet or low‑stimulus spaces, adjustments to seating and lighting for physical comfort, provision of preferred foods or allergy‑safe options. These thoughtful measures honor individual differences and reduce barriers to engagement and well‑being.
Social and Emotional Accommodations for Chronic Illness
Setting healthy boundaries around conversations, masking or physical touch
Opting out of certain activities that don’t align with your physical or emotional needs
Choosing small groups or one on one gatherings if preferred
Having a support buddy during larger events to check in
Physical Comfort, Pacing, and Energy Accommodations for Chronic Illness
Planned rest breaks during holiday gatherings
Scheduled recovery days after family holiday gatherings or travel days
Alternative roles during holiday season, such as ordering food rather than cooking, opting for potluck style gatherings to reduce physical load or asking if another family member can host
Flexible arrival and departure times at gatherings, maybe attending part of a party instead of the entire event
Ability to sit during activities and ergonomic, supportive seating
Heating pads and blankets to help manage pain and regulate body temperature
Space to stretch
Food and Sensory Accommodations for Chronic Illness
Safe food options for dietary needs
Ability to bring your own meal if needed
Lower lighting, quieter music or smaller crowds
Scent free environments
Labeling dishes clearly with allergen information
Physical Location and Hybrid Attendance Accommodations for Chronic Illness
Joining on a video call for parts of an event
Sending a pre recorded video greeting to loved ones
Virtual present opening or holiday cookie baking
Online meet ups when energy is limited
What are CBT tools to help women with chronic illness enjoy the holidays?
CBT tools can help women with chronic illness enjoy the holidays by teaching gentle, practical ways to manage stress, pace activities, and reframe unhelpful thoughts so the season feels doable and meaningful rather than overwhelming. Skills like activity pacing, values-based goal setting, and planning rest breaks allow you to participate without overextending, while cognitive techniques—such as spotting and challenging “should” thoughts or catastrophic predictions—reduce guilt and worry about not doing everything. Mindfulness and grounding practices bring you back to the present moment so you can savor small joys amid discomfort, and problem-solving skills help you negotiate boundaries and ask for the support you need. Using these tools, the holidays can become a time of connection and calm that reflects what matters most to you, even with illness.
A few CBT rooted ideas include:
Break up holiday tasks into smaller steps. For instance, if hosting, you can clean one space in the home per day for the week leading up to the holiday or buy premade dishes when you can.
Set realistic and kind expectations for yourself. If you have a thought such as “I should be able to do exactly what I did last year” notice this all or nothing thinking. Gently reframe your thought by asking what is realistic for your body just for today or just for this holiday season. Maybe the thought becomes “I don’t like that I can’t participate in all traditions this year AND it is okay to be more flexible just for this holiday season.” This helps you stay present and take things one day at a time.
What are DBT tools that can help women with chronic illness enjoy the holiday season?
DBT tools can be especially helpful for women with chronic illness during the holidays because they directly target the intense emotions, interpersonal strain, and sensory or activity overload that often accompany this season. Distress tolerance and grounding techniques give practical ways to ride waves of pain, fatigue, or anxiety without making reactive decisions that create more stress. Emotion regulation strategies reduce the risk of mood spirals when flare-ups limit participation, helping you notice and shift unhelpful urges and thoughts before they escalate. Interpersonal effectiveness skills make it easier to set gentle boundaries with family and friends while preserving connection and dignity. Mindfulness cultivates present-moment awareness so you can savor small joys—a warm conversation, a favorite scent, a quiet minute—even amid limitations. Together, these tools support safety, self‑compassion, and clearer choices so the holidays feel manageable rather than overwhelming.
Some ideas to incorporate these tools include:
Before saying “yes”, take a moment to pause. Check in with your wise mind (the emotional mind AND the rational mind). Ask yourself how to honor how you are feeling AND support what your body needs today.
Pack small things to help create a holiday coping toolbox, including a RAIN meditation with headphones to help ground and stay mindful, a bilateral beats playlist with headphones, fidget toys, heating pad and soothing scents.
Read “Set Boundaries, Find Peace” by Nedra Tawwab for scripts to help create healthy boundaries in every area of life.
What are ACT tools that help women thrive during the holidays living with chronic illness?
During the holidays, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers gentle, practical tools to help women with chronic illness move from surviving to thriving: practicing acceptance lets you make room for pain and difficult emotions without fighting them, while mindful present-moment attention helps you savor small joys—a warm cup, a laugh, a quiet moment—when energy is limited; values clarification guides compassionate choices about which traditions to keep, modify, or let go of so your celebrations reflect what truly matters; committed action breaks plans into manageable, flexible steps that honor your body’s needs; and self-compassion practices replace guilt and perfectionism with kindness, reminding you that pacing, asking for support, and setting boundaries are acts of love that protect your wellbeing and allow you to participate in the season in ways that feel meaningful and sustainable.
A few ACT based tools include:
Choose which traditions hold the most meaning for you. Activities that foster connection, creativity or meaningful conversation can feel richer than busy, exhausting interactions.
Find moments of gratitude, no matter how small.
You are allowed to feel complicated feelings around the holidays. You can be tired and frustrated AND hopeful and grateful. ACT helps us make room for all feelings.
New York Women’s CBT is ready to help women with chronic illness in New York this holiday season.
If you are ready to get more support this holiday season, we are ready to support you at New York Women’s CBT.
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