Group Therapy for Women with Chronic Illness and Chronic Pain in New York and Washington DC

Aug 9

“Women understand. We may share experiences, make jokes, paint pictures, and describe humiliations that mean nothing to men, but women understand. The odd thing about these deep and personal connections of women is that they often ignore barriers of age, economics, worldly experience, race, culture — all the barriers that, in male or mixed society, had seemed so difficult to cross.” — Gloria Steinem

Every couple of months, I board the Amtrak to Washington, D.C. and spend the weekend catching up with some of the most dynamic, intelligent, warm women I am lucky to call my friends. The gold tapestry in the dome of Union Station welcomes a piece of my heart home; a reminder that this city and the women who inhabit it shaped who I became as a woman. What strikes me each time our pack comes together is that not only did we change each other’s life trajectories: we continue to grow with each other.

The power of female friendships is unlike any other bond. Women are uniquely gifted to be warm, empathic, intuitive and graceful while displaying fierceness, strength, independence and resilience. Creating a tribe of women from coast to coast who speak out, show up and display unconditional support is what has singlehandedly allowed me to endure loss, setbacks and grief. To continue to grow with women through cross country moves, job changes, marriages, motherhood, breakups, losses; it is a true gift.

The understanding of women helping women rather than allowing others to pit us against each other has changed the values of our friendships. The power of a woman’s righteous anger channeled in a collective voice has shaken our democracy. The might of the female friendship alters the energy in ourselves, our homes, our communities and in our world. While it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a tribe to hold our sisters up.

Who do you have in your corner? How do these bonds strengthen over time? How do you lift each other up? On the other hand, which friendships are no longer aligned with your values or needs? Which bonds have become toxic or hurtful? Equal friendships have both give and take. No one is perfect in relationship; that is not the standard to which we should ever measure a friendship. As Charlotte Brontë wrote, ”Friendship, however, is a plant which cannot be forced―true friendship is no gourd spring up in a night and withering in a day.”

To those in my inner circle, you know who you are. Thank you for teaching me what it means to be a friend in both the valleys and the mountaintops. To those in your inner circle-take a moment to tell them what their light means to you. How can you lift the women in your life higher each day? Walking together in the valleys and the mountaintops and everywhere in between is the true power of female friendships.